This morning agents from the Federal United Commission for Knowledge entered the New York sewage system to raid the office of reclusive trader clone Min Max. They carted away several computers containing a program known as the Holy Grail.
According to a statement issued after the raid, Mr. Max used the Holy Grail to solve the case of vanished tattoo icon Sheyba Hihisay, feeding the model a large amount of information related to the disappearance of Hihisay in November. He then took bets on the basis of the program’s estimate of what happened to her.
“He made a small fortune from those bets,” said a official close to the investigation, who spoke on condition on anonymity because the Federal Realm for Imposition of Global Tenets has not given formal permission to make public statements. “The bets are totally unlicensed and unregulated.”
The United Commission would not say what the Holy Grail model predicted and what kinds of bets were made. Mr. Max could not be reached for comments and is said to have escaped from the sewage system through a manhole while being pursued by agents.
Separately, MyMuffyPress.com, a blog that published putative email messages from Senator Van Trillin to Hihisay, was ordered to cease and desist by FRIGT. Mr. Trillin issued a statement saying the emails are fake and a threat to national security.
Showing posts with label Min Max. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Min Max. Show all posts
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Min Max Pilloried
Cloned trader Min Max was pilloried for over four hours near an exit on the I-95 in Connecticut Thursday afternoon. The event attracted hundreds of thousands of spectators, whose rubber necking caused massive traffic jams and delays.
There was a12-car pile-up on the Interstate as drivers tried to watch, causing 11 casualties, five of them critical. Another nine-car accident on Highway 1 left one man dead and seven more injured. Also, two SUVs collided on Exit 5 and a woman was run over when she got out of her car to see better.
In addition, a bridge collapsed due to excessive traffic, with three fatalities. Five individuals died of heat exposure when they ran out of gas and sat for hours in their hot cars, unable to escape in the dense traffic.
Because of 10 to 15 hour delays, thousands of families could not go home and slept by the roadside. Of the people sleeping outside, a total of 146 were hospitalized with complaints that included broken bones, dehydration and tick bites. One man was shot and another received several serious knife wounds. The state police said they will investigate but are currently unable to get to the location because marooned cars are blocking the way.
An announcement from the National Loss Avoidance Board described the pillorying as having gone smoothly and according to schedule. “Minor technical issues were encountered but these have been resolved,” said the announcement.
There was a12-car pile-up on the Interstate as drivers tried to watch, causing 11 casualties, five of them critical. Another nine-car accident on Highway 1 left one man dead and seven more injured. Also, two SUVs collided on Exit 5 and a woman was run over when she got out of her car to see better.
In addition, a bridge collapsed due to excessive traffic, with three fatalities. Five individuals died of heat exposure when they ran out of gas and sat for hours in their hot cars, unable to escape in the dense traffic.
Because of 10 to 15 hour delays, thousands of families could not go home and slept by the roadside. Of the people sleeping outside, a total of 146 were hospitalized with complaints that included broken bones, dehydration and tick bites. One man was shot and another received several serious knife wounds. The state police said they will investigate but are currently unable to get to the location because marooned cars are blocking the way.
An announcement from the National Loss Avoidance Board described the pillorying as having gone smoothly and according to schedule. “Minor technical issues were encountered but these have been resolved,” said the announcement.
Dead Clone’s Legacy Reveals Holy Grail
A replicated trader who drowned in a puddle last year left behind the ultimate quantitative model in his computer, according to his partner, Min Max.
“It gets all the Greeks right, even the ones nobody knows about,” said Mr. Max, speaking at a press conference he held by a manhole. “Omicron, rho, tau, they’re all perfect, the signs are right going back 120 years. Lambda is nothing to these. It’s just the dream model.”
He demonstrated the derivation of upsilon on the sidewalk, but declined to explain it, except for saying it is one of the Greeks. “This is proprietary,” he said, washing the symbols off the sidewalk with a water bottle before reporters could copy them.
“I don’t have time to explain because I have to go and short sell Patsy’s immediately,” he said, disappearing into the manhole.
Mr. Max’s partner drowned under mysterious circumstances, although it was reported that he was trying to escape from alligators in the New York sewage system. How he came to possess the model is unclear.
Journalists looked for treasure in the manhole after Mr. Max was gone, but none could be found.
“It gets all the Greeks right, even the ones nobody knows about,” said Mr. Max, speaking at a press conference he held by a manhole. “Omicron, rho, tau, they’re all perfect, the signs are right going back 120 years. Lambda is nothing to these. It’s just the dream model.”
He demonstrated the derivation of upsilon on the sidewalk, but declined to explain it, except for saying it is one of the Greeks. “This is proprietary,” he said, washing the symbols off the sidewalk with a water bottle before reporters could copy them.
“I don’t have time to explain because I have to go and short sell Patsy’s immediately,” he said, disappearing into the manhole.
Mr. Max’s partner drowned under mysterious circumstances, although it was reported that he was trying to escape from alligators in the New York sewage system. How he came to possess the model is unclear.
Journalists looked for treasure in the manhole after Mr. Max was gone, but none could be found.
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