A replicated trader who drowned in a puddle last year left behind the ultimate quantitative model in his computer, according to his partner, Min Max.
“It gets all the Greeks right, even the ones nobody knows about,” said Mr. Max, speaking at a press conference he held by a manhole. “Omicron, rho, tau, they’re all perfect, the signs are right going back 120 years. Lambda is nothing to these. It’s just the dream model.”
He demonstrated the derivation of upsilon on the sidewalk, but declined to explain it, except for saying it is one of the Greeks. “This is proprietary,” he said, washing the symbols off the sidewalk with a water bottle before reporters could copy them.
“I don’t have time to explain because I have to go and short sell Patsy’s immediately,” he said, disappearing into the manhole.
Mr. Max’s partner drowned under mysterious circumstances, although it was reported that he was trying to escape from alligators in the New York sewage system. How he came to possess the model is unclear.
Journalists looked for treasure in the manhole after Mr. Max was gone, but none could be found.
